Six Months of Separation: Keep, Sell, Donate, Delete

I've been in my apartment for six months, and I still managed to fill and take two and a half more boxes of stuff to Goodwill today. Despite being a get-'er-done type of person, getting organized and truly settled into my separate situation has required a slow and steady pace over time. What's enjoyable about this process has been twofold: 1) I've been able to identify the things I love and want in my sanctuary, and 2) I get to free up space while letting other folks put my donations to good use. Every month I've been here, I've been sorting and evaluating, much like I do professionally as a school librarian.

For the remainder of the summer (and likely into early fall), I'll keep whittling away at my collection, knowing fully what I need and what I want. As the holidays arrive, I'll be able to sort through the monthly decor that remains and box up items for others to discover and enjoy. My goal? To find an affordable, flocked, pre-lit Christmas tree in wonderful condition for December that's easy to store in the space that I will have freed up after months and months of adjusting. After selling and buying online, I've been able to obtain my essentials at very little cost.

Reading about or listening to other Gen X women who have separated from or are currently divorcing their spouses (social media algorithms can certainly give the impression that it's an epidemic), I'm struck by how many are asking "What do we do with our wedding gowns, preserved bouquets, wedding photos, cards, jewelry, etc.? " Here's what I've done so far:

Sold:

Wedding gown: It signified my wedding, not my marriage, and I loved the dress too much to burn, shred, or throw it away. My daughter would never use it, and I no longer wanted it. I took photos and a short video and posted the gown on FB Marketplace, and a young lady with her best friend drove to Kansas two weeks later to try it on. Their squeals let me know that it was "the one," which I was certain would be a sad moment for me, but it turned out to have quite the opposite effect. She felt the same way I did twenty-four years ago, and I was happy that the dress would have yet another opportunity to be part of a love story.

My Harley-Davidson riding leathers: twenty-plus years and thirty pounds ago, I enjoyed going for rides with my spouse, and even modeled for the 100th Anniversary Harley catalog. My gear was also listed online and sold within a week.

Dishware: Even after making sure my three children had their china, I ended up with far too many plates, bowls, and trays that would have taken up most of my now limited cabinetry. I listed it all and sold it all.

Donated:

Books that I didn't plan to read again were taken to the lounge at my school and offered to my colleagues. Every item was adopted.

I took wedding and "us" photos out of their frames and put them into a storage cube to go through whenever I'm ready. Did my spouse ask for copies of our wedding pictures? No. I decided which frames I'd use again (only two), and the rest were put into a donation box.

Any furniture that no longer worked because of the size or layout of my new space was first listed online for sale, and then donated after two weeks to two different locations, Goodwill and Savers, so that I could receive a shopping coupon from each of them in return. I quickly found a dining room table that fit exactly as needed, and shortly thereafter, four dining room chairs and a loveseat at Habitat for Humanity in Kansas City.

Repurposed:

Furniture: Most of the furniture that I have been able to keep has been repurposed and used throughout my apartment in very different spaces than they had been originally located in the house. The narrow bookcase from my craftroom now holds towels, bath and shower items, my nail care baskets and extra rolls of toilet paper and boxes of tissue. The hallway bookcase that used to store the hundreds of picture books that I would receive from publishers to review is now in my bedroom, holding books, my computer printer, photos, and other keepsakes. Metal kitchen shelves from the den are where you'll now find many of my supplies in my craft room. The antique cabinet with glass doors that used to hold all of my glass collection, vases, candlesticks, antique salt cellars, votives, topped with family photos and seasonal decor, is now near the front door. I've added white curtains to the inside of the doors to conceal the dog and cat food, laundry detergent, fabric softener, and tools that it now contains. An antique wooden game table is where my iMac sits in my bedroom next to the bookcase, while two wooden sets of drawers, originally from the dining room and den, have been stacked on top of one another in the living room to make a stand for my television.

Everything feels very eclectic, creative, and useful, which I find exceedingly pleasant.

Engagement and wedding rings: I finally had the urge to go through my jewelry a few weeks ago, figuring out which earrings, necklaces, brooches, and rings I'd like to continue wearing. I ended up with quite a few pieces, including my engagement, wedding, and anniversary bands, in a pile that I would also like to have repurposed. I don't want to sell any of it, but I won't use the jewelry in its current form. I'd love for all of the stones to be removed, the gold melted down, and new earrings, a ring, or some pendants to be made that I'd enjoy and could pass along to my children at special times in their lives. I'd like to track down a jewelry artist who specializes in breathing new life and purpose into the keepsakes and talismans we wear.

Deleted:

I sorted through digital photos on social media and kept copies that the children might like to have. As I'm no longer celebrating wedding anniversaries, those online albums were deleted from my social media. I removed and blocked my spouse from any digital games and friends lists. My children are now my emergency contacts, and my eldest will be given control of my social media, hopefully far into the future.

*****

I've kept a rolling cart against the wall in my living area where I can deposit any additional items that I'd like to sell or donate; fifty-five years' worth of belongings is a LOT, and sorting through all of it, not just the items I associate with my marriage, has been an important task to undertake for who I am now, today.

The Youngest has been coming over weekly for dinner, a movie, cuddles with Charlie and Tish-Tish, and talking. He's been working through his feelings about his parents' separation and eventual divorce, while trying to figure out who he is and what he'd like to be doing with his own energy and time. He told me that he'd "be happy to come over and help put up the Christmas tree" in December. Something tells me he'd enjoy putting up cornucopias and turkeys in November, and Halloween pumpkins and black cats in October, too. I've always had fond memories of holidays and have every intention of continuing to enjoy them. I may be able and inclined to travel for reasons other than emergencies in the near future, but plan to be here, in my space, for my birthday and Christmas, since they were less than celebratory last year.

I can't help but recognize that I have so much to look forward to while also finding satisfaction and peace of mind in the present, and I hope that other women who are experiencing an unanticipated transition in their lives can navigate purposefully and positively.